Winners and Losers and Ties, Oh My

I've begun watching the football matches in the Eurocup with other Goethe Institute people. Not being from Europe, my knowledge of "football" is little to none, but I reckon all that really matters is that Europe is playing each other and it's a big deal. Germany beat Portugal over the weekend, so that was good. But the next day, I was watching the Spain vs. Italy game, and it was really exciting, and the score was 1:1, and then... it was over. Everyone just stopped playing. 

The players walked off the field. The crowd stood up and filed out.

"Oh, but Katie, it wasn't an elimination roun--" 

Silence! I don't care, I'm so not okay with this. And if I'm not okay, how can the crazy Europeans be okay? Everyone in Amurrica knows there are only two categories, winners and losers, and someone has to lose. Or win. Something has to happen.

"Oh, but Katie, there are ties in some American sports, like hockey--"

Yeah, yeah, well, tied hockey games haven't really pervaded the American psyche enough for me to sit idly by and accept a 1:1 final score. It's frustrating, I tell you. I want some answers. And then it happened again today, with England versus France. COME ON, MAN. 

Also, they count time up instead of down. This is by far the most disorienting thing when watching this sport. They reach the end of play time (90 minutes) and then just... add a couple of minutes or so, depending on what they feel like. Maybe there's a more accurate system that I just can't decipher, but it appears to be really jank, especially to someone who watches a football where every second, nay, half-second is fought for and debated over with tooth and nail.

And have you ever actually watched soccer players? Because, well, obviously I hadn't before this. Every single time two (or more) players collide with each other, they replay it in super-slow-motion, and it reminds me of those National Geographic shows where the lion takes down the antelope really, really slowly (see below.) So much pain.

(spoiler alert: the antelope dies.)

Although I'm learning (sort of) as I watch, it still makes me miss sports I understand. Sports with countdown timers and padding and helmets to cover the agonized faces of injured players. Michigan football, anyone?